Celebrating mothers (and others) every day

Celebrating your Mother, mother-figure, and the people who raised, support and care for you doesn’t need to be something that only happens once a year. Taking some time each day, week and month can be a great way for all of us to start living our best life.

Sadly, I lost my mum several years ago. This week has had me thinking of her more than ever, with the ads for Mother’s Day and the promos for the John Farnham documentary coming out this week. My mum was a founding member of the John(ny) Farnham fan club and his posters and music surrounded us growing up (and well beyond as my brothers and I attended various concerts over the years with mum. Yes, even the various farewell ones!!).

So in a period of reflection and dedication to my mum (and John Farnham), here’s some practical evidence-based positive psychology tips to ensure that whether you are a mother or not, you find ways to flourish and thrive each day. Here are some of the reasons why:

That’s freedom

Many mothers, carers and others, especially those working in the health and social sectors, spend most of their time putting the needs of others ahead of their own. Whilst this can be quite fulfilling, it can lead to burn out if it is done at the expenses of their own needs. Called compassion fatigue, it’s the equivalent of continually taking water until the well is empty.

Taking time each day purely for you helps you be fulfilled and starts to refill the well. It’s easy to think this is selfish, but there’s a reason you need to put on your own life vest before helping others. Self-care is health care and it gives you space to find and do the things that truly energise you, refilling your well. It can be as simple as savouring a quiet cup of tea, a short meditation, or reading a chapter of a book, through to taking time to exercise, have a massage or facial, or any other regular activity that you enjoy and can do consistently.

One (is the loneliest number)

The research consistently shows that we need human connection and high-quality relationships. My mum had many different and sometimes overlapping groups of friends, many for more than 50 years. These are the people we turn to in good times and bad. They accept us flaws and all and allow us to be our authentic selves.

So whether it’s a monthly dinner, a weekly walk or a quick catch up, make the time to stay connected and celebrate the connections that fight loneliness and make us truly feel we are alive.

Are you having fun?

How often do you get into a state of flow? These are activities that you do mindfully that provide enough challenge to keep you engaged, whilst not being difficult enough to drain you. Being in a state of flow, or in the zone, has components of mindfulness as it keeps you focussed on the present moment.

Examples include listening to music, playing board or video games, learning something you are interested in, a regular hobby such as gardening, exercise, and more. The research suggests that allocating at least 90 minutes once or twice a week helps you achieve flow. Are you playing to win? Greater focus on the journey and staying present, rather than the outcome will keep you in a flow state.

Focus on the positives

With all the negative news we are inundated with each day, it’s easy for the positives to get drowned out. We are wired to look for the negative, to keep an eye out for the risks and dangers. But if we focus on the positives and what is going well, we can put ourselves into an upward spiral, with so many benefits. These include being grateful for the good things we sometimes take for granted. And if the 3 Good Things activity isn’t for you, check out the myriad of gratitude and other activities I wrote during Melbourne’s lockdowns.

We also know there’s a chain reaction that ripples out of this positivity, with research indicating it affects our networks, community and beyond. So, focussing on all the good in the world doesn’t just refuel us, it helps our family, friends, work colleagues, their contacts and way beyond. And, when we are in this state, we are more generous and externally focussed on helping others who aren’t, increasing our wellbeing, increasing the wellbeing of others and making the world a better place – helping us all do our greatest good.

Take the pressure down

We are not meant to be happy all the time and if you are comparing your worst day to the photoshopped best day of others on social media, you may be heading into a downward spiral. Its perfectly natural to have a range of emotions and feelings each day. If you feel like there are always raindrops [that] keep falling on my head, seek professional advice or talk to someone you trust. Asking for help is the first step to taking control of our emotions and seeking to understand and improve them.

Final suggestions

There’s no one way to flourish and thrive. The best way is to find the activities that give you joy and make you feel fulfilled, and that you can incorporate into your life and day to day activities. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Find the one that resonates with you the most and try incorporating that into your life. Once it’s become a habit, try another, and repeat. If you try one that doesn’t work for you, replace it with one that does.

However you choose to celebrate Mother’s Day, making it special, but don’t let it end there. Find ways to incorporate joy and celebration in all parts of your life, every day, for that touch of paradise!

Jenni is the Founder and Managing Director of Greatest Good and Harbridge Optimal Performance.